The Best of Late Night

"Sen. Larry Craig is now rethinking his decision to resign. He says he’s going to talk it over with his wife and the guy in stall No. 3."

-Conan O'Brien

"Senator Craig still insisting he is not gay. ... And today to prove it he went back to the Minneapolis airport and tried to solicit sex in the women's bathroom."

-Jay Leno

"Senator Fred Thompson is on the show tonight, and he says he has something major to announce. In America that can only be one of three things. So he's either pregnant, gay, or running for president."

-Jay Leno

"In a recent interview, Paris Hilton says she plans to catch a husband with her amazing lasagna. So I guess that’s what they’re calling it these days"

-Conan O'Brien

"Scientists in Russia have announced they will send a man to the moon by the year 2025. A defiant President Bush said today, 'not if we get there first.'"

-Jay Leno

"How about that President Bush, he makes that surprise trip to Iraq. Was pretty impressive don't you think? He spent a few quick hours visiting with the troops, and then he left. You know, it was just like his days in the National Guard."

-David Letterman

"Earlier today, Fred Thompson who is a former star of Law & Order, confirmed with his supporters that he is running for president. Afterwards, Thompson promised to solve the crisis in Iraq by the end of the episode."

-Conan O'Brien

"Well, President Bush is upset, very upset that the Iraqi parliament has failed any major legislation since taking office. I guess, of course, on the other hand, it made him feel right at home."

-Jay Leno